Never Once - Matt Redman (Worship with Lyrics)

I have a constant struggle in my life that I can't share yet, but so thankful for my friends who can use God's word to remind me to keep going.  (thanks mom!)

So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up.  Galatians 6:9

Before I would have read this thinking that the blessing would be what I think should happen in the end.  But I know read it as God's will for me is always good and He promises His good in my life if I keep on.....so while I am tired I will keep going and also claim His promise that "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength!" 

Thank you Lord for your promises, for Your word and for your people who encourage and turn me to YOU when I am weary.

So, I am a curious gal.   Who's out there in cyberspace???  A few of you have said hi....

Do you ever feel like you are a banana?  You keep getting peeled and peeled til you get to the good stuff?   I think I might be a special kind of banana with ten or more layers bc just when I think I am figuring it out, there's a whole new layer to be cracked and peeled.

I am guilty of having alterior  motives...something I never really say down and thought about til the last couple books I have read and a sermon I heard on the radio last week.   I love to serve, let me dig in and get involved!  Awesome right?  But where am I placing myself in service?  What am I going for?  I really am confused about all of this and am pleading with God for clarity to keep peeling me, even if it hurts.   To put people in my life who are sincere and want me to truly grow in Gods grace and not for man's gain.   Who will let me know when they think I need to reevaluate.

I think I may be crazy for praying these things.   I am scared, but I want it all to go.  My selfishness, my pride, my anger....my quick tongue, my need to be right.....the list could go on and on.


"Search me, O God, and know my heart.   Test me and know my thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me.  And please please lead me in the way everlasting.  "
Psalm 139 (paraphrased)

My thought I am chewing on today

"I developed a spiritual form of bulemia where I did my devotions, read all the new Christian books and saw all the Christian movies, and then vomited information up to friends, small groups and pastors.  But it never had the chance to digest. I had gorged myself on all the products of the Christian industrial complex but was spiritually starving to death.  I was marked by an over consumption but malnourished spiritually, suffocated by Christianity, but thirsty for God."
"Interrupted-by Jen Hatmaker"


Oh boy, yep uh huh amen.

God, teach me something new!!!   Saturate me with your WORD, nourish me in the right things.  Give me a passion for YOur desires.  Give me clarity to know the difference.

Just waiting

As I so eagerly shared everything God was telling me yesterday with all of facebook world I started to get a pit in my stomach....was I nervous about sharing my walk bc that isn't like me, I tend to be an open book, what was going on...
Last week I was doing my Bible study for the week and a paragraph stuck out to me,

"I found I tended to run ahead on the momentum of all He had been doing.  Before I knew it, my quiet time began to wane and my file became less filled with God's presence.

I became more focused on the journey than on the ONE who called me to it."   Priscilla Shirer

Then, I got an email from a friend encouraging me, but also warning to not get ahead of God's plans for me.

This morning my devotions said this:  "Much, much stress results from your wanting to make things happen before their times come.  One of the main ways I assert My sovereignty is in the timing of events.  If you want to start close to Me and do things My way, ask Me to show you the path forward moment by moment.........  Slow down enjoy the journey in My Presence."   Jesus Calling

So, I sit here this morning completely humbled.  Laying myself flat out and asking God to forgive me!!  Forgive me for not relying better on HIS perfect timing, for trying to STILL do things my way and begging Him to teach me the art of waiting. 

While I am trying so hard to be different from the "norm" these days I still find myself in the rush rush rush mentality including my perception of what God's Will should be.  

So, for now, I am going to "Be still and KNOW that HE is GOD."  Psalm 46:10    And I am going to enjoy my journey for TODAY.

Ladies and Gentlemen who are joining me on this journey....
please keep in mind, I write like I am journaling....so no fancy shmancy and my brain jumps all over. 

Could get really honest here....hope that's not offensive.

I am NOT a writer.

I LOVE feedback and accountability!  Call me out on stuff!  I am not easily offended and I LOVE the encouragement of fellow believers.

ok, I am scared to let you in...but here we go....