Me

I said the words out loud today to my mom.  I have been feeling them for a LONG time, but they were spoken...so now I feel like I am allowed to feel them.  (LOL, I have said something a time or two about my weirdness, right?)

Stay at home mom is a HARD job for me.  I have a hard time chilling with my kids doing nothing.  I would rather be on the run.  I get ZERO fulfillment from cleaning my house, or doing my laundry, making a new yummy dinner, or having curtains that coordinate with my chairs or floor or whatever they are supposed to coordinate with!  When I see this 'super mom', with all the 'super mom' gifts, I would love to run and hide...or I just make fun of them bc everything is so "perfect".  (I am SORRY!!....please come 'super mom' me! I probably could use some help!!)

I don't hate it all.  I LOVE being with my kids, being the one to influence and help shape them.  I love watching them learn something new.  Or tell me all about what we just did from their perspective....it's what keeps me on! THE KIDS!  (my joy!)

Yesterday my mom said something about her mom that worked from the time she woke up til 9 at night.  Did she like it??  I have NO IDEA, but knowing her she more than likely had a great attitude about it and was not doing it for self fullfillment.  She was doing what needed to be done and what God had called her to at that time in her life.  (She never quit helping or working, for the record, until her mind quit cooperating).

So, I am asking God to help me with a new approach.  I am going to find Joy in the journey and in the little tasks and let God's grace cover where I don't live up to where I think I should be.  I am going to enjoy my family and do the very best I can where I am at today........ Time to mop the floor...with joy (aka ella, my little helper girl).