Friday, October 11, 2013

Great is thy faithfulness

Sometimes after a spiritual high and an intimate encounter with Jesus comes a day that you are just holding onto His promises and trusting God is there even when you don't feel him......looking over my notes and being reminded to "REMEMBER" where God has ALWAYS been faithful in my life......

I am NOT posting this to be a downer, so don't read between the lines, like I so easily tend to do. Just as a transparent daughter of the king...doing life on earth and eagerly awaiting his return...

So glad I made my choice to trust God no matter what and that because of that Satan has to flee at the sound of Jesus name.

A day crying out for Jesus is not a bad day after all.

Saturday, August 31, 2013

Sarah

Life is out of control.  Slow down.   Get back to your basics.  Get back in the word.   And say no.  

Books are great and friends are great and fun is great, but God's word is life and hope and joy and peace.....
Friends are great, but what a friend we have in Jesus.


**feeling like I have gotten off track again.  Wandered into the "kingdom of me".  I feel empty and scattered and overwhelmed.

Father,
I am in awe of your forgiveness and grace.  I would have given up on someone like me, but you keep calling me back to you knowing what is best for me.  Forgive me for thinking I know What is best. Teach me to live only for You.

Friday, July 5, 2013

Never in my own strength, but striving towards TOTAL VICTORY!

Joyce Meyer's  fb status this morning:
Whatever challenges you the most, decide now that you are going to set your mind for total victory.

Do you ever know something, but just know it?   The girl drama.  I know it has to stop, but I just know it sometimes.  And this is where I want to set my mind for TOTAL victory.  I think about how free "the honesty policy" in every area of my life would be.  Which also means, taking people at their word and believing they are being honest as well.

This week a friend of mine who has been a friend for a long time was willing to do the grown up and uncomfortable thing of talking to me and checking our relationship.  Gauging things that have changed....why and if we were still going to be friends.   Was it a fun conversation?  Not really, but the more I think about it I know that we really have a REAL friendship bc we just did the TOUGH stuff together!    It really goes for any of my deep relationships...we did the yucky stuff and made it to the other side.

Do I give people in my life that same respect?   Why don't we talk to our friends directly about the issues we have with each other?   (I am a queen people pleaser and enabler...so I can come up with a million reasons why the person couldn't handle that conversation.)   But really, it comes down to be being daring enough, real enough and vulnerable enough to speak the truth.....IN LOVE...but the truth because I respect them and want our relationship strong and healthy.

Let's live by the spirit in our relationships!
22 But the fruit that comes from having the Holy Spirit in our lives is: love, joy, peace, not giving up, being kind, being good, having faith, 23 being gentle, and being the boss over our own desires. The Law is not against these things.

Let's be daring together!  Be intentional about our friendships, not let the devil get his way in them and keep him out by of our minds by being real.  I know God will bless it and the best part is our true friends will be so thankful in the end. 

Tuesday, June 4, 2013

asking for help

So, our sermon Sunday was on prayer.  One of the points made was are we too proud, or do we think we don't need the prayers of others.  It got me thinking because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt I have gotten through some valleys only because I had some prayer warriors intercessing for me when I wasn't even praying myself.  Some of those unexplainables that can ONLY be chalked up to God working.  

So, I feel like I have no problem asking for prayer for a big decision, a life change, medical condition, ya know...the big stuff. (I am, by no means, belittling the big stuff.)  But when it comes to humbling myself to ask for prayer for something like reoccurring jealousy, a stubborn heart, the ability to love like I should, ...(the "SIMPLE" stuff.  HA!) I don't. 

These are the excuses the enemy feeds me. 
*that's silly
*no one cares
*you should be able to take care of that yourself
*there are so many people with bigger stuff going than you
*I could make this list go on and on and on.

Why am I not opening myself up to inject the spirit of God into every aspect of my life?!   Why on earth would I not want more than me, who cannot seem to overcome these things on my own, giving these needs to the Father, who is waiting and listening and filled with joy to hear our requests!?!

I can honestly say that it is not the "BIG" things that are holding me back from kingdom work, it's the "little" reoccurring ones.  

So I am not proposing that I tell every person I meet everything about me in order to pray for me.  What about a few close friends that we can trust to hold us up in prayer?  And how cool to be able to pray for a friend in that way too.  I think the lessons in vulnerability will be great and it opens up a friendship to God working there too.

So this is my brains wrestling match these days....my head knows it, my heart needs to follow.


James 5:16
Therefore, confess your sins to one another and pray for one another, that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person has great power as it is working.

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12
Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! Again, if two lie together, they keep warm, but how can one keep warm alone? And though a man might prevail against one who is alone, two will withstand him—a threefold cord is not quickly broken.


Father, work in my heart that I can be vulnerable enough to invite you into every aspect of my life....even the ones that I THINK I should be able to have a hold of myself. I don't want to hold them myself any longer and cannot wait to see what happens when your spirit moves fresh in those places. Help me make myself vulnerable enough to ask for help from trusted friends and prayer warriors that we can watch and see only answers You could provide.  Thank you for the answers you have already given!

Wednesday, May 22, 2013

that little "thing"

Do you have that little "thing"??  You know, the thing that you are working to change more than anything, but somehow it keeps creaping up and reminding you that it's not all that changed..
(if you don't, I don't wanna know :) ).

For me, it is vulnerability.  I will get up on my soapbox and preach to the world that it is the key to growth, but that's pretty funny because it is the thing that I have the hardest time with.

Why would I want to share my heart with people when it gives them a bigger picture to who I am?  My strengths and my passions, but also my weaknesses and fears.  I want to because I want to grow, but I don't want to grow if it is going to hurt....or do I?

In my prayer time this morning I pictured myself in the safest place I could, sitting in my Abba Father's lap and handing him a package that I was holding onto, He took it and threw it away, ahhh forgiveness.  In it was some resentment because I became vulnerable this week and it didn't really feel very good so I was mad about it.  It also had the keys to my heart.  I give Him my whole heart because I want Him in control, even if it is a little scary sometimes.

I felt a little better as I left and then I laughed as I drove home because God had one more picture for me this morning.   It was a picture of me frantically digging through the trash to go find it again.  I wanted to hold onto it a little longer apparently and not heal.   But He showed me the picture so I would have a chance to choose to leave it there I believe.  I am.

I am so very far from perfect, but I can testify to this...God is LOVE and so He calls us to the hard stuff sometimes.  When He does He is doing it out of love!  Shaping and molding and growing us to whatever next thing He has for us.  And honestly, as I continually choose to give him my other little package, CONTROL, and let Him lead, the journey is far better than I could have asked or imagined. 

Jeremiah 29:11
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

Trusting your promises Father.
Amen

So sharing this is my vulnerable thing for the day.......have a great one!

Tuesday, May 21, 2013

His way

Trusting and hoping and singing away........

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Thou art the Potter, I am the clay.
Mold me and make me after Thy will,
While I am waiting, yielded and still.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Search me and try me, Master, today!
Whiter than snow, Lord, wash me just now,
As in Thy presence humbly I bow.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Wounded and weary, help me, I pray!
Power, all power, surely is Thine!
Touch me and heal me, Savior divine.

Have Thine own way, Lord! Have Thine own way!
Hold o’er my being absolute sway!
Fill with Thy Spirit ’till all shall see
Christ only, always, living in me

Not one word in there I can pick as my favorite.  I mean every single one and I lift it up to my Father..

Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Quiet

My blog has been quiet lately.  Lots on my brain, so I have trouble streaming my thoughts enough to write.  This one is for me...so I can remember.

Hebrews 10:
22 let us draw near to God with a sincere heart and with the full assurance that faith brings, having our hearts sprinkled to cleanse us from a guilty conscience and having our bodies washed with pure water. 23 Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. 24 And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, 25 not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.


I am holding tightly to God's promises.  I have full assurance that he is so faithful and I can have hope in Him.  

A good deed for me lately is as small as a text saying hi.  A smile or a hug.  Never underestimate the power those little things can do for someone.  They are HUGE things, not small.  Encouragement in any form is a powerful thing. 


Father,
You are the source of every good thing.  I praise you for your faithfulness.  I praise you for friends who walk along side me.  I praise you that this is NOT the end of our journey.  We have so very much to look forward to beyond today.  I praise you for the restlessness and the spots in our hearts that this life will never fulfill, so that we can look with great anticipation towards the day your Kingdom comes.
Guide my thoughts always to you and your promises for me.
Amen

Tuesday, March 26, 2013

every hour...

  1. I need Thee every hour, most gracious Lord;
    No tender voice like Thine can peace afford.
    • Refrain:
      I need Thee, oh, I need Thee;
      Every hour I need Thee;
      Oh, bless me now, my Savior,
      I come to Thee.
  2. I need Thee every hour, stay Thou nearby;
    Temptations lose their pow’r when Thou art nigh.
  3. I need Thee every hour, in joy or pain;
    Come quickly and abide, or life is vain.
  4. I need Thee every hour; teach me Thy will;
    And Thy rich promises in me fulfill.
  5. I need Thee every hour, most Holy One;
    Oh, make me Thine indeed, Thou blessed Son




Hymn Day.

Ever have a mountain top experience to be followed by doubt, trials and yucky stuff.  Yep, my week. 
But guess what?  I am THANKING God for it.  I am so human that I would confidently walk thinking I am doing pretty well on my own without constant reminders that I NEED Him EVERY hour. 

Isn't it great that when we come to him temptations lose their power and that His rich promises He fulfills?

Join me today in singing and praying this song!   We need YOU Father, every hour.  Bless us now, our Savior, we come to You.

Saturday, March 23, 2013

journal type....so I remember this week.

Blessed Assurance JESUS IS MINE! 
O what a foretaste of glory divine.
Heir of salvation, purchase of God, Born of His Spirit, washed in His blood.

Some days I wake up ready to declare this out loud and to the world....

This week I felt God wrapping his arms around me and declaring his love for me in a whole new way and I wish I could describe the full feeling I have from that, but for now declaring Jesus is MINE will have to do!

Stay open, wide open to the spirit moving in your life, so you don't miss out.  God can make your life more abundantly full than I could even imagine and He did.

Friday, March 1, 2013

Who we are

I have had this topic simmering in my heart for a week now, but I didn't know how to present it.  And I didn't really know if it was mine to share bc it was given to me...but I feel like it is so important and worth more than gold to me.

It seems like all of my Bible studies and book club discussions lately have leaned toward this question, "are we good enough?"  Well, we aren't...but covered in God's grace and Jesus blood we are MORE than just good enough. 

Who we are IN CHRIST:
I am God's Child
I am Christ's friend
I am accepted
I am dearly loved
I am never alone
I have Christ in me
I am victorious
I am forgiven
I am protected
I am holy
I am blameless
I am free from fear
I am chosed by God
I am a saint
I have authority
I have hope
I am adequate
I am free in Christ
I lack nothing
I have God's wisdom
I am strong in Christ
I have God's power
I am a new creation
I am God's temple
I am hidden in Christ
I am born of God
I am righteous
I have faith
I am dead to sin
I have God's comfort
I am set apart
I have boldness
I have confidence
I am a believer priest
I have the Lord's joy
I am justified
I am adopted as God's
I am an heir of God
I am born of God
Satan can't touch me

**I got this list from a prayer class I attended led by Mary Sterenberg. I would highly recommend it if you ever get a chance to go to a class she leads.

I have a very hard time not typing about 6 or 7 of those in caps...maybe more!  They are filling me in places that only Jesus can perfectly fill me.  I challenge you to print that out and type it for yourself.  You will figure out the ones that are filling holes and cracks in your heart.  Find the scriptures that prove those promises true and hide them in your heart.

Father God,
Thank you that through Christ, I too, am Your Child.  That I am never alone and You choose me.
Fill me with your truth.  On my own strength I will fail every time, so guide my heart and my mind to turn to you when we need my tank is draining.
Amen

Thursday, February 21, 2013

insecurity

So, at a few days shy of 30 I still have days where I feel the need to call all my friends and say, "are you mad at me?"   Let me just tell you that I have always hated the girliness and drama and everything that goes with it.  I love being a GIRL, but the pettiness that sometimes accomanies that is just plain YUCK!  

The problem is, it's in me too!  I have, with every fiber of my being, to fight that yuck like every other girl in the world.  I am fairly certian that I probably didn't do anything super bad and that no one is mad at me....LOL...just thinking about it logically really does make me roll my eyes and laugh.  But, why does this feeling of self doubt and worthlessness even come?!   um, go away Satan.  

So, how would I have solved this problem a year ago?  Honestly, it's sad.  I think I truly would have called a good portion of friends and said, "are you mad at me?"  Only to hear them say, NO sarah! Of course not, I LOVE you!  (just what I wanted to hear right??)   But it is a temporary fix til the next time. (and my friends are patient, but they may be on to me after a few times! )  I need to choose to fill my need with JESUS.  He is the constant, he is the only one who can fight the devil and HIS LOVE NEVER FAILS!   Thank you Jesus!   Join me in choosing Jesus.

So I will hold on to this verse this afternoon:

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. 7 And the PEACE of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

Phillipians 4: 6-7

Monday, February 18, 2013

I Feel His Love - Laura Hackett







Sorry, I am into sharing songs lately I guess.  But sometimes I hear a song and I think..yes!  That is what I am feeling!!   My sister shared this song with me this weekend and originally I thought cool song for her story, but it is MY story too.  I think it is a lot of girls stories and so often don't we feel the same pains, hear the same lies and and just don't let ourselves feel the Love that will truly make us feel whole, complete.

Feel HIS LOVE through this song.  I listened to it on repeat today for almost a half hour just crying (yes, I am a cryer....please don't let this scare you too much) and feeling the truth and God's promises through the words........

" I am CONFIDENT that neither life nor death can keep me from the LOVE of Christ!"

"I feel His love welling up on the inside of me
All those years bound in chain He is setting me free
His love goes deeper than the pain that I feel
His love is stronger than depression or fear"

"No, I cannot see, still my heart believes.  And I am filled with JOY unexpressible."

God's Word:
And I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither our fears for today nor our worries about tomorrow--not even the powers of hell can separate us from God's love.

___________, nothing can seperate you from God's love.  He loves you for you and you are good enough just as you are. 


Father,
Thank you for accepting us the way we are.  Not only accepting us, but WANTING US!  Thank you for promising that nothing can seperate us from your love.  Help us to choose to rely on only You to fill our love tanks completely. ONLY by Your power and your Spirit can we possibly be filled with JOY that is overflowing.  And when we choose you and remind ourselves of your promises how can we not be overflowing with JOY........................

Friday, February 15, 2013

Joy in our hearts and Fire in our Eyes



I have felt like God has been silent this week. I don't doubt that He is with me, but I don't feel the closeness I sometimes do. Honestly, I was driving in my car yesterday yelling, "LEAVE ME ALONE SATAN!" Ever feel like he is just messing with you?? I have felt that way this week.

So thankful for the right song at the right time this morning. A gift of music that can so easily touch my soul.

Saturday, February 9, 2013

Prayer continued.....

In my humanness....I went from being so excited by the whispers and promptings of my heart about prayer to extremely insecure.  You see, while I feel like it is the link, the most necessary part of our relationship with our God, I feel like I don't do it right. 

I feel like my prayers are not beautiful enough to be uttered aloud.  I feel like more often than not I am praying this: "God, I don't know what I am supposed to be saying, so please just hear my heart!"    Do you feel like that?

Here's what I know.  I want to keep growing to be more and more like Jesus....and I have a long long way to go.   So, I guess I better keep that relationship growing..... uttering whatever words I have.


Father God,
You don't need us, you WANT us!  Wow.  I have been thinking about this all week long.  Why would you want us??  I am so so thankful You do.   Thank you for wanting me and for loving me regardless of my selfish thoughts and actions.  I can't even fathom the depth of your mercy and grace.  Thank you for mercy.   Teach me to pray.  teach me how to have a relationship with you.  Break me so I can be more like you...because I cannot do that on my own.  You are might to save.....save me from me!
Amen. 




Thursday, February 7, 2013

So, I am trying my hardest to focus this morning....huge issue for me. But I have so very much rolling around in my brain this morning. I will try to focus for you all reading this.

One thought BIG thought that I had this morning (going to have to dive into that one on a whole different blog while I wait for more direction) but here's this: One of the biggest gifts God has given me in my life is people who are willing to pray WITH me for me. It is probably the most powerful prayer I have experienced....and I am really really thinking about that a lot lately. But if you don't have people like that in your life, I don't have pretty words (besides the Bible) and I am by no means perfect, but I will go to our Father God with you and for you.  God says "where two or three are gathered, He is there!"  I have felt the realness of that and would love for you to too.  Please don't hesistate to ask!

I have had a mini conversation with some ladies on facebook this week about the hymns. I think our generation, if not ours, the next will not get to have those words tucked away quite as tightly in their hearts as we do. I just think that they can be so very powerful.  While I was thinking about prayer this hymn and some words specifically came to mind. 



  1. What a friend we have in Jesus,
    All our sins and griefs to bear!
    What a privilege to carry
    Everything to God in prayer
    ! (IT IS A GIFT!)
    Oh, what peace we often forfeit,
    Oh, what needless pain we bear,
    All because we do not carry
    Everything to God in prayer!
  2. Have we trials and temptations?
    Is there trouble anywhere?
    We should never be discouraged—
    Take it to the Lord in prayer.
    Can we find a friend so faithful,
    Who will all our sorrows share?

    Jesus knows our every weakness;
    Take it to the Lord in prayer.
  3. Are we weak and heavy-laden,
    Cumbered with a load of care?
    Precious Savior, still our refuge—
    Take it to the Lord in prayer.
    Do thy friends despise, forsake thee?
    Take it to the Lord in prayer!
    In His arms He’ll take and shield thee,
    Thou wilt find a solace there.

I think there may need to be a part two while I pray more about this.  (sounds cliche, but let me tell ya I have this heavy burden, calling, excitement about prayer.  I can't and don't want to shake it.)   I will leave you all with that today.

Tuesday, February 5, 2013

Me

I said the words out loud today to my mom.  I have been feeling them for a LONG time, but they were spoken...so now I feel like I am allowed to feel them.  (LOL, I have said something a time or two about my weirdness, right?)

Stay at home mom is a HARD job for me.  I have a hard time chilling with my kids doing nothing.  I would rather be on the run.  I get ZERO fulfillment from cleaning my house, or doing my laundry, making a new yummy dinner, or having curtains that coordinate with my chairs or floor or whatever they are supposed to coordinate with!  When I see this 'super mom', with all the 'super mom' gifts, I would love to run and hide...or I just make fun of them bc everything is so "perfect".  (I am SORRY!!....please come 'super mom' me! I probably could use some help!!)

I don't hate it all.  I LOVE being with my kids, being the one to influence and help shape them.  I love watching them learn something new.  Or tell me all about what we just did from their perspective....it's what keeps me on! THE KIDS!  (my joy!)

Yesterday my mom said something about her mom that worked from the time she woke up til 9 at night.  Did she like it??  I have NO IDEA, but knowing her she more than likely had a great attitude about it and was not doing it for self fullfillment.  She was doing what needed to be done and what God had called her to at that time in her life.  (She never quit helping or working, for the record, until her mind quit cooperating).

So, I am asking God to help me with a new approach.  I am going to find Joy in the journey and in the little tasks and let God's grace cover where I don't live up to where I think I should be.  I am going to enjoy my family and do the very best I can where I am at today........ Time to mop the floor...with joy (aka ella, my little helper girl).



Monday, February 4, 2013

and let Me give you peace.

"I know that sometimes you doubt yourself. You worry about what people think about you. You are afraid that you're not good enough. You think no one cares.

I want you to bring those fears and doubts to Me and let Me give you peace." -Jesus Calling for Kids by Sarah Young

Psalm 29:11; Numbers 6:24-25; Psalm 13:5


Pouring over these verses tonight. 

Thursday, January 31, 2013

Remember Sarah...

"It's almost indigestible: death, divorce, old age, drugs; brain-damaged children, violence, senility, unfaithfulness. Good luck with figuring it out. It unfolds, and you experience it, and it is so horrible and endless that you could almost give up a dozen times. But grace can be the experience of a second wind, when even though what you want is clarity and resolution, what you get is stamina and poignancy and the strength to hang on." ~Anne Lamott, "Help Thanks Wow"


Jen Hatmaker had this as her FB status today.  I NEED to remember and be reminded of this... even in the little everyday life moments.....

My favorite part, "..........even though what you want is clarity and resolution, what you get is stamina and poignancy and strength to hang on."     

Who can even argue that God does not have every little detail taken care of?

Tuesday, January 29, 2013

more ramblings....can't believe people read this garbled mess.

Believe it or not, I am not great at self-relection....I see all my bad stuff....then I get overwhelmed with all my bad stuff...so I move on and of course, try to fix it.  It is an exhausting and vicious cycle.  So today, I am reflecting on a few of my "good stuffs" and because other people read this now, I encourage you to take a few minutes to do the same!

God has been showing me how much of a control freak I am.  I never thought I was because my biggest thing is people pleasing...at any expense.  Well, what do you  know, once I start letting go of my people pleasing and start putting up boundaries, God shows me that sometimes my people pleasing is also a control thing.  HUH.  HOW FRUSTRATING WAS THAT!! 

I was sort of in a funk this week bc of all these realizations.  I have been putting up some boundaries socially, putting family first, and with work.....it has felt good.  I am happy to feel like I can breathe again around the house and funny thing, keeps my resentment of other people to a minimum.  (Like it was their fault I said yes to something I shouldn't.  Did I mention I have issues?? ;) )  BUT, then this funny control thing started creeping into view.  OH MAN.  I was/am frustrated that this side of heaven...I am never gonna be finished.  Perfection is not within my grasp. 

I was raised by a man who was an excellent role model.  The hardest worker I know.  He always said, "Do it right the first time."   That is my mindset.  DO IT RIGHT!   Guess what?  I keep failing and failing and failing.....but here's the cool part.  I am growing in the process.  Every time I fall, I get to cry out to my Heavenly Father who has been there all along waiting for me to realize, I can't do it on my own and maybe even not right the first time! GASP!    BUT STILL!  HE IS THERE.   Thank you Jesus. 

I may not be even close to perfect, but I am trudging along and I am following, seeking, loving, fellowshipping with my Savior who was and is perfect.  He's got this. I trust Him.  I give it all to Him.

"Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me."  2 Corinthians 12:9


Father,
Your grace is all I need.  And I am so thankful that your power works best in weakness.  Help me to grow weak so that Your perfect power can work through me.
Amen

Thursday, January 24, 2013

SO THANKFUL:
**MY GOD
*sunshine!
*snow
*seasons
*my cozy robe
*my hubby
*our jobs
*the fact that my hubby shoveled this morning!
 *smiling kids....well, crying ones too
*watching my 5 year old run into school this morning
*friends to chat with on fb
*friends who i don't communicate with as much, but I know are there!
*struggles in my life that are making me stronger
*people who are willing to do the tough stuff with me
*the mess in my kitchen....bc we are LIVING here!
*the laundry -we have clothes to wear
*the rotting grapes that stink in my fridge...(we had so much food, that food is rotting in my fridge...)
The list goes on and on.....add to mine! 

Our heavenly Father knew just what He was doing when He said, "In EVERYTHING give thanks!" (1 Thes 5:18).   Sure makes my attitude of selfishness and want disappear...and I would love for it to go away forever!

Have a great day!

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

 1 Have mercy on me, O God,
because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
blot out the stain of my sins.
2 Wash me clean from my guilt.
Purify me from my sin.
3 For I recognize my rebellion;
it haunts me day and night.
4 Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say,
and your judgment against me is just.[a]
5 For I was born a sinner—
yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
6 But you desire honesty from the womb,[b]
teaching me wisdom even there.
7 Purify me from my sins,[c] and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
8 Oh, give me back my joy again;
you have broken me—
now let me rejoice.
9 Don’t keep looking at my sins.
Remove the stain of my guilt.
10 Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew a loyal spirit within me.
11 Do not banish me from your presence,
and don’t take your Holy Spirit[d] from me.
12 Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you.
 
 
Feeling the depth and earnest plea of David to God today in Psalm 51.  I am feeling stuck!  Stuck in my sinful nature and wanting to move forward.  So, along with David I pray this prayer.
Have mercy on me God because I am a sinner.
Purify me, cleanse me help me throw away the things that keep me from communing with You!
I love this: RENEW A LOYAL spirit in me and make me WILLING to obey YOU. 
 
So thankful I serve a God who wants me to cry out, to admit I cannot do it myself and who PROMISES to fill me up with His Spirit and His joy and salvation. 

Sunday, January 20, 2013

...“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” Rom. 8:26-27

Sometimes I feel like a broken record and get frustrated with myself bc I can't seem to get to the depth and reasons for my feelings sometimes.  I know that God knows my heart, but I have not really claimed and decided to understand that God KNOWS my heart.  He KNOWS me!!!   He hears the words that I am too human to even say.  His knowledge is so far beyond my understanding.....and praise you God for that.   Feeling rather small and human lately, but that is a good good place to be.  I can kneel in awe of all that God is when I am very small. 

Father God,
I pray today that you hear the words on my heart.  I claim the promise that the spirit is interceding for me.  Hear the brokenness, how far I have fallen short..but hear the joy I can have only because You have made it possible.   I praise you Father, for perfectly orchestrating my life just how it is supposed to be.  Help me to keep praising even when I don't understand why. 

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

I have a constant struggle in my life that I can't share yet, but so thankful for my friends who can use God's word to remind me to keep going.  (thanks mom!)

So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up.  Galatians 6:9

Before I would have read this thinking that the blessing would be what I think should happen in the end.  But I know read it as God's will for me is always good and He promises His good in my life if I keep on.....so while I am tired I will keep going and also claim His promise that "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength!" 

Thank you Lord for your promises, for Your word and for your people who encourage and turn me to YOU when I am weary.

Monday, January 14, 2013

So, I am a curious gal.   Who's out there in cyberspace???  A few of you have said hi....

Saturday, January 12, 2013

Do you ever feel like you are a banana?  You keep getting peeled and peeled til you get to the good stuff?   I think I might be a special kind of banana with ten or more layers bc just when I think I am figuring it out, there's a whole new layer to be cracked and peeled.

I am guilty of having alterior  motives...something I never really say down and thought about til the last couple books I have read and a sermon I heard on the radio last week.   I love to serve, let me dig in and get involved!  Awesome right?  But where am I placing myself in service?  What am I going for?  I really am confused about all of this and am pleading with God for clarity to keep peeling me, even if it hurts.   To put people in my life who are sincere and want me to truly grow in Gods grace and not for man's gain.   Who will let me know when they think I need to reevaluate.

I think I may be crazy for praying these things.   I am scared, but I want it all to go.  My selfishness, my pride, my anger....my quick tongue, my need to be right.....the list could go on and on.


"Search me, O God, and know my heart.   Test me and know my thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me.  And please please lead me in the way everlasting.  "
Psalm 139 (paraphrased)

Friday, January 11, 2013

My thought I am chewing on today

"I developed a spiritual form of bulemia where I did my devotions, read all the new Christian books and saw all the Christian movies, and then vomited information up to friends, small groups and pastors.  But it never had the chance to digest. I had gorged myself on all the products of the Christian industrial complex but was spiritually starving to death.  I was marked by an over consumption but malnourished spiritually, suffocated by Christianity, but thirsty for God."
"Interrupted-by Jen Hatmaker"


Oh boy, yep uh huh amen.

God, teach me something new!!!   Saturate me with your WORD, nourish me in the right things.  Give me a passion for YOur desires.  Give me clarity to know the difference.

Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Just waiting

As I so eagerly shared everything God was telling me yesterday with all of facebook world I started to get a pit in my stomach....was I nervous about sharing my walk bc that isn't like me, I tend to be an open book, what was going on...
Last week I was doing my Bible study for the week and a paragraph stuck out to me,

"I found I tended to run ahead on the momentum of all He had been doing.  Before I knew it, my quiet time began to wane and my file became less filled with God's presence.

I became more focused on the journey than on the ONE who called me to it."   Priscilla Shirer

Then, I got an email from a friend encouraging me, but also warning to not get ahead of God's plans for me.

This morning my devotions said this:  "Much, much stress results from your wanting to make things happen before their times come.  One of the main ways I assert My sovereignty is in the timing of events.  If you want to start close to Me and do things My way, ask Me to show you the path forward moment by moment.........  Slow down enjoy the journey in My Presence."   Jesus Calling

So, I sit here this morning completely humbled.  Laying myself flat out and asking God to forgive me!!  Forgive me for not relying better on HIS perfect timing, for trying to STILL do things my way and begging Him to teach me the art of waiting. 

While I am trying so hard to be different from the "norm" these days I still find myself in the rush rush rush mentality including my perception of what God's Will should be.  

So, for now, I am going to "Be still and KNOW that HE is GOD."  Psalm 46:10    And I am going to enjoy my journey for TODAY.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Ladies and Gentlemen who are joining me on this journey....
please keep in mind, I write like I am journaling....so no fancy shmancy and my brain jumps all over. 

Could get really honest here....hope that's not offensive.

I am NOT a writer.

I LOVE feedback and accountability!  Call me out on stuff!  I am not easily offended and I LOVE the encouragement of fellow believers.

ok, I am scared to let you in...but here we go....