Remember Sarah...

"It's almost indigestible: death, divorce, old age, drugs; brain-damaged children, violence, senility, unfaithfulness. Good luck with figuring it out. It unfolds, and you experience it, and it is so horrible and endless that you could almost give up a dozen times. But grace can be the experience of a second wind, when even though what you want is clarity and resolution, what you get is stamina and poignancy and the strength to hang on." ~Anne Lamott, "Help Thanks Wow"


Jen Hatmaker had this as her FB status today.  I NEED to remember and be reminded of this... even in the little everyday life moments.....

My favorite part, "..........even though what you want is clarity and resolution, what you get is stamina and poignancy and strength to hang on."     

Who can even argue that God does not have every little detail taken care of?

more ramblings....can't believe people read this garbled mess.

Believe it or not, I am not great at self-relection....I see all my bad stuff....then I get overwhelmed with all my bad stuff...so I move on and of course, try to fix it.  It is an exhausting and vicious cycle.  So today, I am reflecting on a few of my "good stuffs" and because other people read this now, I encourage you to take a few minutes to do the same!

God has been showing me how much of a control freak I am.  I never thought I was because my biggest thing is people pleasing...at any expense.  Well, what do you  know, once I start letting go of my people pleasing and start putting up boundaries, God shows me that sometimes my people pleasing is also a control thing.  HUH.  HOW FRUSTRATING WAS THAT!! 

I was sort of in a funk this week bc of all these realizations.  I have been putting up some boundaries socially, putting family first, and with work.....it has felt good.  I am happy to feel like I can breathe again around the house and funny thing, keeps my resentment of other people to a minimum.  (Like it was their fault I said yes to something I shouldn't.  Did I mention I have issues?? ;) )  BUT, then this funny control thing started creeping into view.  OH MAN.  I was/am frustrated that this side of heaven...I am never gonna be finished.  Perfection is not within my grasp. 

I was raised by a man who was an excellent role model.  The hardest worker I know.  He always said, "Do it right the first time."   That is my mindset.  DO IT RIGHT!   Guess what?  I keep failing and failing and failing.....but here's the cool part.  I am growing in the process.  Every time I fall, I get to cry out to my Heavenly Father who has been there all along waiting for me to realize, I can't do it on my own and maybe even not right the first time! GASP!    BUT STILL!  HE IS THERE.   Thank you Jesus. 

I may not be even close to perfect, but I am trudging along and I am following, seeking, loving, fellowshipping with my Savior who was and is perfect.  He's got this. I trust Him.  I give it all to Him.

"Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me."  2 Corinthians 12:9


Father,
Your grace is all I need.  And I am so thankful that your power works best in weakness.  Help me to grow weak so that Your perfect power can work through me.
Amen

SO THANKFUL:
**MY GOD
*sunshine!
*snow
*seasons
*my cozy robe
*my hubby
*our jobs
*the fact that my hubby shoveled this morning!
 *smiling kids....well, crying ones too
*watching my 5 year old run into school this morning
*friends to chat with on fb
*friends who i don't communicate with as much, but I know are there!
*struggles in my life that are making me stronger
*people who are willing to do the tough stuff with me
*the mess in my kitchen....bc we are LIVING here!
*the laundry -we have clothes to wear
*the rotting grapes that stink in my fridge...(we had so much food, that food is rotting in my fridge...)
The list goes on and on.....add to mine! 

Our heavenly Father knew just what He was doing when He said, "In EVERYTHING give thanks!" (1 Thes 5:18).   Sure makes my attitude of selfishness and want disappear...and I would love for it to go away forever!

Have a great day!

 ¹ Have mercy on me, O God,
because of your unfailing love.
Because of your great compassion,
blot out the stain of my sins.
² Wash me clean from my guilt.
Purify me from my sin.
³ For I recognize my rebellion;
it haunts me day and night.
⁴ Against you, and you alone, have I sinned;
I have done what is evil in your sight.
You will be proved right in what you say,
and your judgment against me is just.^[a]
5 For I was born a sinner—
yes, from the moment my mother conceived me.
⁶ But you desire honesty from the womb,^[b]
teaching me wisdom even there.

⁷ Purify me from my sins,^[c] and I will be clean;
wash me, and I will be whiter than snow.
⁸ Oh, give me back my joy again;
you have broken me—
now let me rejoice.
⁹ Don’t keep looking at my sins.
Remove the stain of my guilt.
¹⁰ Create in me a clean heart, O God.
Renew a loyal spirit within me.
¹¹ Do not banish me from your presence,
and don’t take your Holy Spirit^[d] from me.

¹² Restore to me the joy of your salvation,
and make me willing to obey you.

 

 

Feeling the depth and earnest plea of David to God today in Psalm 51.  I am feeling stuck!  Stuck in my sinful nature and wanting to move forward.  So, along with David I pray this prayer.

Have mercy on me God because I am a sinner.

Purify me, cleanse me help me throw away the things that keep me from communing with You!

I love this: RENEW A LOYAL spirit in me and make me WILLING to obey YOU. 

 

So thankful I serve a God who wants me to cry out, to admit I cannot do it myself and who PROMISES to fill me up with His Spirit and His joy and salvation. 

...“Likewise the Spirit helps us in our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we ought, but that very Spirit intercedes with sighs too deep for words. And God, who searches the heart, knows what is the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints according to the will of God.” Rom. 8:26-27

Sometimes I feel like a broken record and get frustrated with myself bc I can't seem to get to the depth and reasons for my feelings sometimes.  I know that God knows my heart, but I have not really claimed and decided to understand that God KNOWS my heart.  He KNOWS me!!!   He hears the words that I am too human to even say.  His knowledge is so far beyond my understanding.....and praise you God for that.   Feeling rather small and human lately, but that is a good good place to be.  I can kneel in awe of all that God is when I am very small. 

Father God,
I pray today that you hear the words on my heart.  I claim the promise that the spirit is interceding for me.  Hear the brokenness, how far I have fallen short..but hear the joy I can have only because You have made it possible.   I praise you Father, for perfectly orchestrating my life just how it is supposed to be.  Help me to keep praising even when I don't understand why. 

Never Once - Matt Redman (Worship with Lyrics)

I have a constant struggle in my life that I can't share yet, but so thankful for my friends who can use God's word to remind me to keep going.  (thanks mom!)

So let's not get tired of doing what is good. At just the right time we will reap a harvest of blessing if we don't give up.  Galatians 6:9

Before I would have read this thinking that the blessing would be what I think should happen in the end.  But I know read it as God's will for me is always good and He promises His good in my life if I keep on.....so while I am tired I will keep going and also claim His promise that "Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength!" 

Thank you Lord for your promises, for Your word and for your people who encourage and turn me to YOU when I am weary.

So, I am a curious gal.   Who's out there in cyberspace???  A few of you have said hi....

Do you ever feel like you are a banana?  You keep getting peeled and peeled til you get to the good stuff?   I think I might be a special kind of banana with ten or more layers bc just when I think I am figuring it out, there's a whole new layer to be cracked and peeled.

I am guilty of having alterior  motives...something I never really say down and thought about til the last couple books I have read and a sermon I heard on the radio last week.   I love to serve, let me dig in and get involved!  Awesome right?  But where am I placing myself in service?  What am I going for?  I really am confused about all of this and am pleading with God for clarity to keep peeling me, even if it hurts.   To put people in my life who are sincere and want me to truly grow in Gods grace and not for man's gain.   Who will let me know when they think I need to reevaluate.

I think I may be crazy for praying these things.   I am scared, but I want it all to go.  My selfishness, my pride, my anger....my quick tongue, my need to be right.....the list could go on and on.


"Search me, O God, and know my heart.   Test me and know my thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me.  And please please lead me in the way everlasting.  "
Psalm 139 (paraphrased)

My thought I am chewing on today

"I developed a spiritual form of bulemia where I did my devotions, read all the new Christian books and saw all the Christian movies, and then vomited information up to friends, small groups and pastors.  But it never had the chance to digest. I had gorged myself on all the products of the Christian industrial complex but was spiritually starving to death.  I was marked by an over consumption but malnourished spiritually, suffocated by Christianity, but thirsty for God."
"Interrupted-by Jen Hatmaker"


Oh boy, yep uh huh amen.

God, teach me something new!!!   Saturate me with your WORD, nourish me in the right things.  Give me a passion for YOur desires.  Give me clarity to know the difference.

Just waiting

As I so eagerly shared everything God was telling me yesterday with all of facebook world I started to get a pit in my stomach....was I nervous about sharing my walk bc that isn't like me, I tend to be an open book, what was going on...
Last week I was doing my Bible study for the week and a paragraph stuck out to me,

"I found I tended to run ahead on the momentum of all He had been doing.  Before I knew it, my quiet time began to wane and my file became less filled with God's presence.

I became more focused on the journey than on the ONE who called me to it."   Priscilla Shirer

Then, I got an email from a friend encouraging me, but also warning to not get ahead of God's plans for me.

This morning my devotions said this:  "Much, much stress results from your wanting to make things happen before their times come.  One of the main ways I assert My sovereignty is in the timing of events.  If you want to start close to Me and do things My way, ask Me to show you the path forward moment by moment.........  Slow down enjoy the journey in My Presence."   Jesus Calling

So, I sit here this morning completely humbled.  Laying myself flat out and asking God to forgive me!!  Forgive me for not relying better on HIS perfect timing, for trying to STILL do things my way and begging Him to teach me the art of waiting. 

While I am trying so hard to be different from the "norm" these days I still find myself in the rush rush rush mentality including my perception of what God's Will should be.  

So, for now, I am going to "Be still and KNOW that HE is GOD."  Psalm 46:10    And I am going to enjoy my journey for TODAY.

Ladies and Gentlemen who are joining me on this journey....
please keep in mind, I write like I am journaling....so no fancy shmancy and my brain jumps all over. 

Could get really honest here....hope that's not offensive.

I am NOT a writer.

I LOVE feedback and accountability!  Call me out on stuff!  I am not easily offended and I LOVE the encouragement of fellow believers.

ok, I am scared to let you in...but here we go....