Do you ever feel like you are a banana? You keep getting peeled and peeled til you get to the good stuff? I think I might be a special kind of banana with ten or more layers bc just when I think I am figuring it out, there's a whole new layer to be cracked and peeled.
I am guilty of having alterior motives...something I never really say down and thought about til the last couple books I have read and a sermon I heard on the radio last week. I love to serve, let me dig in and get involved! Awesome right? But where am I placing myself in service? What am I going for? I really am confused about all of this and am pleading with God for clarity to keep peeling me, even if it hurts. To put people in my life who are sincere and want me to truly grow in Gods grace and not for man's gain. Who will let me know when they think I need to reevaluate.
I think I may be crazy for praying these things. I am scared, but I want it all to go. My selfishness, my pride, my anger....my quick tongue, my need to be right.....the list could go on and on.
"Search me, O God, and know my heart. Test me and know my thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me. And please please lead me in the way everlasting. "
Psalm 139 (paraphrased)
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