more ramblings....can't believe people read this garbled mess.

Believe it or not, I am not great at self-relection....I see all my bad stuff....then I get overwhelmed with all my bad stuff...so I move on and of course, try to fix it.  It is an exhausting and vicious cycle.  So today, I am reflecting on a few of my "good stuffs" and because other people read this now, I encourage you to take a few minutes to do the same!

God has been showing me how much of a control freak I am.  I never thought I was because my biggest thing is people pleasing...at any expense.  Well, what do you  know, once I start letting go of my people pleasing and start putting up boundaries, God shows me that sometimes my people pleasing is also a control thing.  HUH.  HOW FRUSTRATING WAS THAT!! 

I was sort of in a funk this week bc of all these realizations.  I have been putting up some boundaries socially, putting family first, and with work.....it has felt good.  I am happy to feel like I can breathe again around the house and funny thing, keeps my resentment of other people to a minimum.  (Like it was their fault I said yes to something I shouldn't.  Did I mention I have issues?? ;) )  BUT, then this funny control thing started creeping into view.  OH MAN.  I was/am frustrated that this side of heaven...I am never gonna be finished.  Perfection is not within my grasp. 

I was raised by a man who was an excellent role model.  The hardest worker I know.  He always said, "Do it right the first time."   That is my mindset.  DO IT RIGHT!   Guess what?  I keep failing and failing and failing.....but here's the cool part.  I am growing in the process.  Every time I fall, I get to cry out to my Heavenly Father who has been there all along waiting for me to realize, I can't do it on my own and maybe even not right the first time! GASP!    BUT STILL!  HE IS THERE.   Thank you Jesus. 

I may not be even close to perfect, but I am trudging along and I am following, seeking, loving, fellowshipping with my Savior who was and is perfect.  He's got this. I trust Him.  I give it all to Him.

"Each time he said, "My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness." So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me."  2 Corinthians 12:9


Father,
Your grace is all I need.  And I am so thankful that your power works best in weakness.  Help me to grow weak so that Your perfect power can work through me.
Amen